Reigen’s Blog

Ask Reigen–Saving the Byzantine Empire

Editor’s note: Welcome to the second installment of the glorious psychic Reigen Arataka’s advice column–Ask Reigen! We have been absolutely flooded with requests from Reigen’s numerous fans! Thank you for your interest and support! I finally pulled Master Reigen away from his non-stop work to answer some more of your burning questions!

Reig

Our first question actually comes from a spirit by the name of SpiritzRule_02. They ask:

Hey, so I’m a spirit. But I’m not harmful, I promise! But my jerk spirit roommate is. He is a nuisance whenever guests arrive. Always trying to scare them off and call them names that I can’t repeat to you. Do you think you can exorcise him out of my house so I can haunt in peace?

With love,

A spirit who is lucky enough to have a computer and a café with free wifi next door

Reigen: Ah, what a benevolent fellow! I, Reigen Arataka, shall accept this job!

Master Reigen closed his eyes in deep concentration and placed his hands together… a remote exorcism!! Suddenly his eyes popped open and a confident smirk crossed his face.

Reigen: Yeah, I can’t do that. It’s too weak for me to see.

Our next question comes from Constantine XI Palaiologos, the last reigning Byzantine Emperor. Truly a client worthy of Master Reigen. He asks:

The Ottomans have arrived in Constantinople to fully siege it. How do I get rid of them so the Byzantine Empire doesn’t fall?

Reigen: Quit relying on those around you, old man. You’re making me sad here.

Our last question comes from a former fellow-psychic named Alice Stone. She asks:

Reigen-san, I lost my psychic powers yesterday. Before, I can teleport up to 100 km away. I can’t seem to do it today. Yesterday was also my 18th birthday. Is this a phase? Please help!

Reigen: You’re so addicted to your special powers, you’ve developed tunnel vision. Don’t get the wrong idea. No matter what kind of special powers they may be blessed with, people are still only human. Nothing more, and nothing less. If you want to make it big, you have to live in reality! That’s where you start.

Truly, every word that falls from Master Reigen’s mouth is a glistening pearl of wisdom to be cherished. I hope Ms. Stone reflects upon his words, and I hope you all tune in next time for more words of advice from the 21st Century’s Greatest Psychic!

Ask Reigen–How to Fix a Giant Hand Possession

Editor’s note: Welcome to the first installment of the glorious psychic Reigen Arataka’s advice column–Ask Reigen! The Star Psychic of the 21st Century allowed me, a lowly unpaid intern, to edit this magnificent column. What a beautiful world this is. The Spirits and Such website has been overrun with requests for help from the Star Psychic of the 21st Century, and Reigen was kind enough to allow me to transcribe his responses to your burning questions! Without further ado, let’s get into your questions.

Reig

Our first request comes from I just want to eat eggs please. They ask:

Dear star psychic of the 21st century Reigen Arataka,

I have a problem only you can help me with. I’m haunted by a spirit that made my hands too large and powerful. My hands are so large and powerful I can’t gently hold small glass objects, or eggs. I squeeze them and break them in my large, massive palms. I am easily startled which also makes that I clench my large powerful hands and destroy things I hold. Please help me so I can stop destroying valuables and also eggs. I miss eggs.

Love,

I just want to eat eggs please

Reigen: That’s a nasty one. Definitely something wrong there. Please leave it to me, Reigen Arataka! I’ll make sure they’re wiped off the face of this earth!

Master Reigen then proceeded to make a series of intricate signs with his hands, surely a high-level psychic technique! He then opened up his online bank account and a large smile appeared on his face. The exorcism must have been a success!

Reigen: This concludes the exorcism.

Our next question comes from Clarinet Cat. They ask:

Hey Reigen,

I just recently joined my high school’s concert band, and I’m going to compete in a solo competition soon.

I’ve been practicing for months, but I’m still not very confident. I’m worried that I’ll panic and won’t be able to focus on the music.

Do you have any tips on how to get rid of these “mental demons.”

Thanks!

–Clarinet Cat

Reigen: I totally understand how you feel. This is probably the first time someone’s placed this much trust in you, right? You don’t have to take this so seriously. You’re plenty strong. Concentrate. Make sure you’re prepared for the unexpected. That’s where you start.

Our last question comes from one unfortunate user who neglected to fill out the necessary included invoice paperwork. They ask:

My luck seems really bad lately. Earlier today when I was making a sandwich, I dropped a knife on the floor… Oh and just last week I stubbed my toe on a chair! I think I’m cursed. Can you rid me of this curse, Reigen?

Reigen: Just throw some salt around. I don’t do volunteer work.

Remember, everyone. Always fill out the invoice paperwork. That’s it for this week. Come back again next Monday for more advice from Reigen Arataka, the Star Psychic of the 21st Century!